In Brazil, as well as all other American and Latin influenced countries, matters of love and relationship are treated in a very conservative way, and the list of taboos is as huge as it can be. Those who were around me during my 6-years relationship were very critical and had a hard time understanding “how we could live like that”. My friends used to find it incredible that I didn’t know where my boyfriend was or what he was doing all the time, and just couldn’t accept the fact that he was free to look at other girls when I was around.
I have a different understanding of love. I see no sense in controlling a 30 something year-old man so that no other woman ever crosses his mind. I mean, is that even possible? Even if I do control his every step, if I make a scandal every time he checks out a girl, if I make it very clear I’m the only woman he should ever want…will it work? Well, I don’t think so. Attraction doesn’t seem to be controllable, at least not from a third person. Therefore, I wouldn’t waste my time or energy trying to fight a natural and spontaneous feeling, also because it’s not necessarily followed by an action. Besides, being free has always made him feel very comfortable in the relationship, so the desire of having someone else also tended to be smaller, and he also didn’t want to lose such a cool girlfriend 😉
Western societies are still, very unfortunately, strongly under Christian influence, and in matters of love, things couldn’t be different. We don’t have the right to be free without being judged, and we learn from our parents to judge others too. There is a strict script to be followed and one shouldn’t walk out of the line, under the threat of losing the loved one. Relationships became a symbol of oppression and things like having your own space or keeping secrets are distant dreams. Some find a way of meeting friends once a week and should be grateful for that already.
Marriages are feared and avoided, and love is losing its place to a controlled, boring system, that apparently, no one can run away from. Passion seems to be a privilege for beginnings of relationships and only remains on the minds as a nostalgic memory, giving place to responsibilities and routine. Living in Germany, I’ve came across very modern concepts of liberty and equality, mentality shared by practically all northern European countries. On the other hand, conservative Bavarians still strongly apply the sharing of male and female roles, such as we do in Brazil. This separation of roles is limiting our creativity, eliminating the challenge of doing new things and transforming us in cold robots. We stop being lovers to become providers, planners, organizers.
I’m a Love-Anarchist. When I love someone, I want this person to cross the line, break the rules, explore the unknown. As Anarchy is the lack of control and not of respect or morality, it is still important that a couple has a good communication and can understand each other’s intentions, so that no one gets hurt in the process of being happy. You need a good, clear communication in order to set your own limits, since Free Love has no limits. Here you can decide if you will be a faithful monogamous couple, a love triangle, a group or wherever your imagination and your libido take you. To be a love-anarchist you should throw your prejudice away and open your mind to the unknown.
Love with your body, mind and soul. Close your eyes and let the music of your heart-beats guide you to the best of the experiences. Allow the smell of excitement to inebriate your senses and clear your mind from the rest of the world. Enjoy the wonderful art of cuddling and listen to the deep breath, while your toes curl up and warm each other’s feet. Cook and enjoy Art together, dance, laugh, swim and sleep, and as soon as your partner wants to be alone, don’t be sad. Kiss goodbye and come back later. Love should be good and make you happy, and when it’s not, there’s something wrong. It’s supposed to be spontaneous, and not an every-weekend-fixed-appointment. It’s supposed to bring you flowers, not problems. Because, you know, when you’re in love, even problems smell like flowers.